When Your Heart Moves...

So last night I was up late (imagine that), and was perusing Craigslist. Wow, is my life exciting or what?
Anyway, in checking the free stuff section (you can never tell when you'll find a cool prize), I came across this post.

"Grandson just got out of Cardinal Glennon for cancer treatment/ They want him to be in a toddler bed due to all of his chemo and worried of him falling out of a regular bed. Money is tight due to all expenses of being in hospital for 3 months. All he is asking for is a cars lightning mcqueen bed. He has been a trooper during the whole thing..."

So, I read this. And my heart just broke. Layla is so perfectly healthy, and I can't imagine what it would be like to watch your baby go through what they've dealt with. To be able to bring him home is such a blessing in itself, and this little dude deserves something special all for himself.

I decided to post the situation on my Facebook, and I set up my PayPal account to accept donations towards fulfilling my plan of getting him a bed and the necessary stuff like mattress, pad, sheets, pillows, etc.

I posted that at midnight. By the time I went to bed at 3am, there was already over $100 donated. When I came downstairs at 9:30, there was over $200. Now, at 2:45pm, we're at nearly $370. I'm very happy that it hasn't even been 24 hours and we're getting close to being able to really do this right.

I'm shopping around online now to find the best deal to get everything together, and will post more when it's happening and what it's costing, etc. Anything over the needed amount will be donated to the family to help with medical bills and such.

If you want to donate, send your donations to dburgfeld@charter.net through PayPal. For some damn reason I can't cut and paste in my blog thingy anymore (lame), so I can't put the donation button up here. There is one on my Facebook, however, but it's very easy to go to PayPal, click "send money" and follow the instructions thereout.

I'll update soon, so follow the saga. I can't wait to make this kiddo smile.
D

A Decade in Review... What A Long Strange Trip It's Been

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the second decade in this century, and I still find it hard to believe that it's 2010. I can remember when i was a kid, thinking of how old I would be at such-and-such year in the future. Been there, past it now. Am I old? I dunno; it's all relative, I guess, but I'm feeling my years now.
"Thirty-five isn't old yet," I keep telling myself. Then I find myself waking up with back pain, and stumble down the stairs in the morning to go to work. There is no chance that I will ever have a full head of hair again in this life, which honestly, i'm fine with. Hair is just one more thing for Layla to pull on, and it would probably not be cut right anyway.
Before I begin lamenting my age, let me get back to the focus of this blog, which is a recollection of high and low points in my life during the last decade. Mike suggested that I roll it in list form, but meh; up yours, Mike. Kisses.
This decade saw as many changes as I think we could pack in, from employment, marital status, where I called home and the advent of fatherhood. I think the only thing that was missing from the last ten years was that incredible income boost and the massive weight loss. I'll work on that for the next ten; cool?

The decade started off with me being recently married. I won't dwell on it; we had our ups and downs, and though I loved that woman with all of my heart, things didn't work out, and we went our seperate ways in 2004/05. The first five years of this decade seem to funnel me towards the last five. Decisively so, actually.
The early part of the decade saw the end of Cataphasia and the start of what would become Tone Def All-Stars. Seems like the band is the only consistent thing. How in the hell did that happen?
In the job world, 2000-ish saw me leaving Rapco finally, and taking on marketing duties at Saint Francis. though I loved that job, I hated the politics and ass-kissing that doctors got, and it didn't last but about a year. I had a couple others, including the Charter "retention specialist" job that came about when i was mid-divorce. Somehow, disconnecting cable services seemed to pacify my need to rip people's heads off on a daily basis, and also got me back in shape. I blew that, though, once I started working for Emergenza. I'm getting ahead of myself, though.

A ten year and fifteen year high school reunion came and went, and I didn't make it out to either. Nothing personal, but when you live in the town you grew up in, it's hard to motivate yourself to go to a reunion that is full of people you run into at Wal-Mart. My appreciation for things like that grew when I moved to TX.

I broke my first bone this decade, in 2003, i think. It was a doozy, too. Broke the lower bones in my right leg the night before the Phi Mu Alpha Jazz Festival. I remember being doped up on morphine, telling one of the guys how to set up my PA. I bet it sounded awesome... I still get some pain in that leg now and again, and regret not making the University pay for my medical bills (as does my credit score).

I lost my entire DJ system this decade, too. Some douche pulled up early one morning and hitched up to my trailer, taking away everything. Nothing has ever surfaced from that. Got me out of the DJ business, at least as far as weddings and such go, and it sure made it hard for us to play shows. Grr.

Bought my first house. When Andrea and I were still married, we got the house on N Middle where I live now. It was December of 2002. Established the Man-Man Room, and started collecting crap to fill up every corner. I really need to clean out the basement...

We saw Boston win the series. We saw St. Louis win the series. I felt complete.

This decade also saw many losses. My grandpa passed away at the age of 94. There have only been a few times in my life where I have seen my dad cry, and when we lost my Grandpa in 2002, I can remember my dad saying that he hadn't known a greater man. My grandpa was a man of God, whose life was built around spreading the Gospel to every corner on the planet. He and my grandma lived such full lives; I hope that someday I can look back at my accomplishments like he could.
We also lost my cousin, Gary. He was 41 when he passed in 2007, leaving behind his wife and triplet babies. Cancer took him. I was so mad at God and everyone when this happened. He was so healthy; working hard to put troubled teens on the right path, and a new father to three beautiful babies. Just like that, it ate him alive and he left us. I gave up trying to understand; some things are not meant to be understood. Someday I guess I will, but I miss my cousin.
I lost two friends to suicide this decade; actually, both this year. Things get so tough; I know it. Money and family and trying to be a provider and being with everyone who you care about.... it weighs heavily. I mourn their passing, but wish I could've said something, done something to prevent that last action.

Losses... and gains. I gained a new brother-in-law when my sister married my doppleganger, Darren Hefner in 2002. Later that same year, we were blessed to have my first niece, Dori. Dori's birth was an awakening not only for my sis and D, but for my whole family. It brought us new focus and determination. Dori turned 7 this past Sunday.

As my seperation from Andrea came around, 2004 was ending on a sour note. I was relieving a lot of frustrations through parties and shows, and DJing at Jeremiah's (I hate you, Don). After 2005 came around, I started talking more to the woman who will become my wife on April 24th of 2010, Carrie. Our relationship signaled the turning point in the decade for me.

2005 was a crazy year. It started with me at Charter, choppin' ghetto cable and annoying white trash. As the year progressed, I was burned out on that job, and another opportunity came up through my buddy Kevin. That opportunity would turn out to be a life-changing experience.
I was hired by Emergenza that summer, with plans to start in the fall. I was moving to Texas. I had never lived further than 10 miles from my childhood home, and so this move was scary and exciting at the same time. I knew that i'd have a friend with me, which was a big relief, but I had no idea how it would change my ways of thinking.
I moved to Texas in September, and Carrie would follow in July of 2006, when Kevin moved to Philadelphia to work up there.
In my time with Emergenza, I visited cities all over the country, Germany, Canada and Mexico. I saw so much, met so many friends that I still keep up with, and heard some incredible music. Though things went to shit towards the end, I still have no regrets about that experience. It was a real eye opener, and gave me new focus.
The first year in Texas was especially hard for Carrie and I. I would get home to MO when I could to visit, but it was always so tearful when I had to leave. I can remember the anticipation as I got closer to Cape, knowing I would be holding her in my arms again soon. When she moved to Texas with me, I felt sure that this was going to be our home from here on out, but we see that no matter how sure you can be about something... Well, the best laid plans....

Layla. In 2008, we found out that Carrie was pregnant. You can read all about that below, but yeah... another funnel seemed to form to move us back home to Missouri, and in December of that year, we moved back to the N Middle homestead.

The very tail end of 2007 saw me start with SHOEBACCA.com as a copywriter. My boss, Angie is one of the coolest people i've met, and the company is so fun to work for. She allowed me to start working from home in 2008, and that was another part of the reason we were able to move back to MO. The company is gettting ready to celebrate it's 2nd year of being online, and business is good.

I miss my time in Texas. I miss Justin and Glynda and Molly. I miss my trips to Houston, hanging out at TME and bitching about drop D tuning. I miss my talks with Brad in San Antonio, and running shows in a little Mexican dive on the South Side. I miss visiting Austin, and I miss driving through some of the most beautiful country in the US. The storms, the lack of mosquitos in Dallas... A day doesn't go by where I don't walk through a drive to the office, a beer at a JRB show; I truly miss it all. I am glad we moved back, by my heart aches for those big skies and friendly people. Much love, Texas.

From just married to almost married again... From not knowing anything about kids to timing myself changing diapers Nas-CAR style... From a southeast missouri boy to a world traveler and back again... This decade has been one that I won't forget. Wherever the future takes me and my family, I'll always remember this period in my life as one that rebuilt me. My heart broke, more than once, and I fell in love all over again.

Keep listening to the sounds that your heart plays. Chances are, the melody will be the best sound you will ever hear. The trick is to find the right harmony.

Happy New Year, friends, family and random-ass people who got here on a google search. I hope your 2010 is more than you wish for. Make the best of it!

35 and counting...

So, yeah; I've slacked on the blogging. No apologies; there are other things that just take priority, and frankly, when you write for a living, you don't want to write outside very much. It's kind of the same reason I didn't play music much when I was doing the Emergenza stuff. Meh...

My 35th birthday was today. I'm officially old enough to run for President now, so prepare your votes. I am buying them for $.0001 apiece for the 2012 campaign.

The day went well; we had dinner at my mom and dad's tonight, with the whole family. It was a pleasant reminder that no matter how old we get or how crazy life can be, what matters most is what is easiest to have, which is love. To see my niece's face light up when she sees Layla always makes me smile. These days are the ones that I will try hardest to never forget.

Layla's getting so big now. Carrie weighed her at her parents' house the other day, and she's up to 20.4 pounds. She'll be nine months old on the 28th, and pictures cannot describe how much she's developed. I did finally figure out how to pull the video off of my camera and edit it, so soon I will post some video clips of her doing incredibly cute baby stuff. She's got this toy that she loves. It's like a big mushroom with a chair attached to the outside, where she can run around in circles. She sits in it and walks around the outside just laughing... She's a quick little buggar. Of course, she's not walking on her own yet; her sense of balance is still far from that, but she's crawling all over the place. I'm discovering that there are a lot of things that still have to be "baby proofed," and she's discovering that cords are fun to pull on. Sigh...

Ahh... I need to hit the sack. I'd planned on writing more, but I'm pooped. I was going to get work done after dinner and crank out some wonderful shoes for all of you who shop at SHOEBACCA.com (ahem, ahem), but our network drive was down tonight. While I'm mentioning it, I will plug work. We have the coolest damn shoes you've seen, and it's cheaper than going to Foot Locker or Champs. Plus, for you midwesterner types, there's cool Callyfornia style stuff. Good luck finding it in Cape... :-)

So, I will post some pictures and video and stuff after this weekend is past. Between ridiculous storm clean up, movie shooting, loads of work and trying to have some family time, it's been the week from H-e-double hockey sticks. Oh; I'm trying to work on the not-cussing thing. You know... got a daughter to raise now. ;-)

D

Growing into everything...

We're back in the homestead in Cape, and slowly getting settled in. As you can tell, the balance of working from home, having a child and trying to entertain ourselves has distracted me from keeping up with the blogs as well as I wanted. Such is life; but have faith. Carrie and I are finding a balance, and things are coming together.


The biggest news on our side of the planet is that we are (finally) engaged! We have not set a date yet, but the biggest step is out of the way. I'm sure you are all wondering what extravagant method I used to ask her, but I really didn't. She got her ring Christmas morning, and it's pretty, if I say so myself.


Layla is doing so great; this kid is such a gem! She still sleeps through the night, though she's taken to knocking out late-- around 12 or 1am, which is kind of tough when Carrie has those early morning shifts, but we're making it work. Carrie is an awesome mama.


Layla is learning so fast. She's really developed a great personality. She's not even scared of Cole, which says a lot. We haven't taken her out a whole lot around town, other than to the store and occasionally to go to our parents' homes, but we'd love to see you happy folks, so give us a call. You're welcome to stop by (but call first; I tend to work in my underwear).


We had our first taste of nasty winter weather over the last couple of days. It was a lot of ice and freezing rain, and when that stuff gets to be an inch thick it makes it mighty hard to clear off the steps. Of course, I ran out of salt, so it's down to chipping away at my stairs. Good times... not.

Our power has been browning out; never down 100%, but it has flubbed enough to flash the computers and cable box. Fortunately, we've been up with power and cable, so I've been able to continue to work. There is a firetruck and such up the road now clearing live wires from the road, and i'm worried that one of my big trees in the front yard could snap. Frankly, I'm cool with that; i wanted to trim it up anyway. Hopefully our power will stay up; there's about 100,000 customers with no power in our area, and it could take a while to get them back up.


We took Layla out in the snow/ice yesterday to put her cute snow suit to use. She didn't mind it much, but there wasn't really any snow to play in, just ice, so Carrie held her for a few pics and then it was time to go back in. It's not warming up, and it's realllllly cold in the shade! The ice is thick enough that I can walk across my yard without it breaking, and that pretty much sums up how futile my efforts were at clearing the steps and sidewalk. Sigh...


Time to get back to work, but felt I needed to post an update to our situation. Hope you're all warm and happy!

D

So Much to Write, so Little Scotch...

Actually, that's not accurate. I have an entire bottle of J&B yet to be cracked open, but this entry really doesn't merit an entire bottle of scotch. That's saved for the holiday stress.

The first thing I have to address is the question that is on everyone's mind, "Are you guys moving home?" The answer is an emphatic, "YES!" We cruised up to the hometown last week for Carrie's interview, and all went well, and so we are planning on heading north in two weeks. Yes, two weeks. We have a lot to get done, and have to balance all of that with caring for Layla and working, so the next two weeks will probably be the highest-stress days for us so far. Say a prayer for patience, and also for the ability to let go of some of this crap that is sitting around here. Yikes!

We will be moving back into my house on N. Middle St, in Cape. Now it's time for me to pour out and laud the efforts that our friends made in preparing a place to call home...

When we found out we were pregnant, I immediately began thinking about the possibility of moving us home. Around the same time, my renters told me they were moving into a house of their own (grats again, guys), and so I asked Liz and Josh to do some clean up in there for me. As things progressed and it began to look more and more like we'd be able to come home, they approached me about doing up Layla's room as a surprise for Carrie. "Absolutely," I told them, knowing that both of their artistic touches would make it perfect.

Fast forward to last week, and one night they said they wanted to meet us at the house to show Carrie her "surprise" (and yes, it was; I can keep a secret). To both our surprises, the entire upstairs of the house was redone! The carpets in all the rooms had been pulled, and the hardwood refinished. New flooring in the bar/music room, kitchen and bath. New paint jobs; they even took down all of Pat's sex toys (oh; i've said too much)!

Seriously, we were overwhelmed. I can't begin to describe the feeling of relief that I had at seeing this. I was dreading trying to move back in and do this work while doing my work and trying to have a home for our daughter. I almost cried in front of Josh, and that would've demoted my seat on the bus to Hell.

They gave us a nice certificate with everyone's names on it that pitched in, whether it was funds, labor, supplies or all of that. The love that I have for you all is so huge; you have no idea. It cemented my thoughts that this was the right decision for us, knowing the kind of friendship and love that Layla will experience from all of our true friends as she grows up. Carrie and I thank you all, with every ounce of our being.

And to Liz and Josh; words can't describe the appreciation I have for you putting this together and seeing it to fruition. Sometimes the best intentions never see the light of day, and to know that your gift to us was realized and done so well moves my heart. We love you both, and look forward to stealing your daughters for babysitting.

In other news, Layla is doing great. She's growing like a weed, and is really developing a personality. She always has a smile for Mommy and Daddy in the morning, no matter how early, and is still sleeping through the night. She was a bit constipated this week, which made for some really rough evenings (to the point where I had to lay her on the bed and walk away). Her screams could wake the dead, and after 4 days of no poop, we called the doc. "Give her 1/2 ounce of prune juice, and see if that clears it up."

Oh, my dear lord. I've seen nervous cattle poop less than this child did today. It was so extreme, I actually paused to take a picture. That's pride, mixed with awe and sick fascination. Good stuff.

Time for me to hit the sack, but I wanted to drop and update. Between work and Layla, the extra-curricular writing has taken a hit for a while. Hopefully, after the move, I can get back to the funny stuff.

One Love,
D

Dumb but on My Mind

So as I sit here at 230 in the morning, I've been thinking about something that's been weighing on my mind. I've had pets for pretty much my entire life, and I've always thought of them as members of my immediate family. I've talked to my pets, told them things that no human will probably ever hear. My cat, Truman, has been like a best friend to me for over 12 years now.

Now I have a daughter. It's weird how, at infancy, the child is very much like a pet. She requires food and water and things of that nature, and her diaper's the equivalent of a litter box.

Don't get me wrong. I don't want anyone to think that I'm lessening the importance of my child to that of a common house cat. That's not my point at all.

My point, in this early-morning/late-night rambling, is that even though they have similarities this point, I can look at my daughter's eyes and realize she is listening to me. Actually listening to me. She is going to retain the things I say, to a certain extent. She's going to be able to speak back to me, and make choices on her own. I can already see her eyes and mouth reacting to things I say, and the things I do.

But don't really know where I'm going to us. I just was really thinking that I still haven't really come to the realization of the depth of having a child. It really will make you rethink your outlook on the entire human race. You have a new appreciation for people's feelings and reactions that you may have not cared about before.

I need to get some sleep, but it is said to get that out of my head I should probably write it down. That's it for tonight's little blog. Nighty night.

Oh, I know... so BACK OFF.

Yeah, I've been slacking on the writing. Not for lack of want, but for lack of focus. Between Layla and working things out to adjust our lives, I've been busy. Plus, I spend entirely too much time playing World of Warcraft, but if that's my worst vice, we're doing okay.

Layla is 5 weeks old today. It's hard to believe how quickly this last month has gone by. We've had visits from both parents, as well as from Aunt Renae and our friends here in Texas. She's been to my office to meet the SHOEBACCA.com crew, and even got to see Uncle Justin play a show last weekend (it was acoustic, so don't chastise me for taking my kid to a rock show just yet).

We've been pretty busy, taking care of Layla and trying to keep up with the daily things we can't neglect here in our time of bliss. It's hard to not want to just lay in bed with my baby girl, watching her search for things to fixate on, listening to her grunts and coos, and feeling her death grips on my fingers. She's happy and healthy, and we've been very, very blessed to this point. Last night, she decided that once she was free of her diaper, it was time to try to shoot across the room. Unfortunately, that whole "opposing forces" logic only works when the force is equal to or greater than the object that its trying to move, so instead we got poopy sheets.

Good times.

So my mom and dad came down last weekend for a very short but very fun visit. Aunt Renae flew in to meet her niece as well! The Grandparents and Carrie and Layla and I went to El Chico on Friday night and saw Justin play. Dad's smile when he broke out the Johnny Cash was great. Layla seemed to enjoy herself, especially when she got to hear Uncle Justin sing "The Rain" by her request. ;-)

On Saturday, Opa, Carrie and I took Layla to the fair. We were hoping she'd get her first look at some beef cattle, but they weren't in the barn yet. The cattle that were there were miniatures; Xebu is the breed. I don't understand it; what's the point of miniature cattle? It remains a mystery to me, but they are cute. You could hear all the non-observant types saying, "Aww, look at all the babies." Ha, ha.

We had a great time at the fair, getting to hear new sounds and see new sights. I know Layla's vision at this age is pretty limited (http://www.tinyeyes.com/), but she did react well to the parade at dusk. I can't imagine what goes through her head sometimes, with all the new things to take in. Such a small child and so many things to learn!

We were sad to see Grammy and Opa head back to Missouri, but we are hoping that we'll be seeing them again soon! We are also looking forward to the day she gets to meet her cousin Dori and Aunt Jamie and Uncle Hef!

A couple of weeks ago, I had "the talk" with my boss about working from home. Ideally, I wanted to continue my work for SHOEBACCA.com that I love so much and be able to do it from home, so that I can be there for Layla, but mainly so we can move back home to Missouri where we will have an actual house and all of our family and friends there to be a part of Layla's life.

Yesterday, we came to the resolution that this will work, so starting next week, I will be working from home. I will still come into the office a few times a week for now, to kind of transition everything and to be able to see my friends here, but sometime this fall, I hope to have us loaded up and heading back home. The key to everything right now is Carrie's work. We need a comparable position to open up at the Best Buy in Cape, so that Carrie can continue to work and carry her insurance. Layla is on her insurance now, and with me going to "at home" status, I will lose my company insurance, so it's imperative that we keep Mom and Baby healthy!

When will we be heading that way? It's hard to say, without any definites from Best Buy. Carrie goes back to work on Tuesday, and hopefully that will give her a better opportunity to find things out in Cape. For now though, We'll be balancing schedules here in Dallas. Despite our anxiety over all of this, we got a big dose of stress relief when my boss said we're good. Now we don't have to worry about putting Layla in some damn daycare while Carrie and I are at work.

Thanks to all of you who have sent goodies for the kiddo. We've gotten some pretty cool stuff, as well as some much-needed gift cards. I've been slow on the "thank you" notes, which, if you are a friend, probably doesn't surprise you that much, but they are coming. Thanks to everyone for their continued prayers and well-wishes!

Layla sends her love. For a look a lot of the pictures from the Grandparent visits, go to my MySpace page at www.myspace.com/iceburgtx or to my PhotoBucket scrapbooks at http://s287.photobucket.com/albums/ll125/IceburgTX/. I promise to write something damn funny in the next 5 days!!! :-)

One Love,

D