Damn you, karma.

When my trailer with all my sound equipment was stolen a few years back, I took it as a testament to my screw ups and a grand swoop of karma, balancing itself with a Sam's Club sized helping of douchebaggery.

Now, I'm pretty sure that all of my belief in the balance of the elements of the universe and that leading a good life would lend to justified rewards is crap. Sigh.

I finally heard from United Way today, after a call and voicemail yesterday afternoon and an email today, and they offered the position to someone else last week.

I won't rant on this much. Frankly, I'm really jaded and kind of numb to things right now, and don't need to post a scathing blog about how a certain level of professionalism is expected when you apply for a job that requires a college degree.

I will say that this is the latest in a string of disappointments that have hit me in my job search, and I expected more.

I'm really not sure what I'm doing wrong. I've studied on cover letters and resumes. I don't drop it and wait; I do follow through on my application process, and the interview that I had went very well. I dress professionally and come in alert and focused.

Maybe it's the fat. Maybe I shouldn't shave my head. Maybe I should wear pants. Maybe I am just not what someone is looking for.

The killer thing is I have yet to talk to one of my references and have them say they were contacted at all. AT ALL. There is a reason I include professional and personal references in my application process.

I know this is Cape, and there isn't a lot in the professional field. I am willing to do whatever I can to take care of my family, to a certain extent, but as was proved with the DirecTV thing, I need to have a job where I am actually making enough money to pay the minimum bills. I spent half of my paychecks on gas for that job, and it didn't make a dent in our lives. I was working 11 hour days for nothing sometimes.

My dad said that I just need to go everywhere, dropping off resumes and trying to find something that way. It reminds me of a blitzkrieg strategy, but it's different than what I've done so far, and something has to change.

With that in mind, post a comment if you can think of somewhere I might fit in and be beneficial. I'm going to go through the phone book and start putting together stuff tomorrow.

I wish there was a spam-free job hunting website around here. Monster.com was a mistake; I got so many fake job offers after posting my resume there. The Southeast Missourian's classified jobs online are a joke. They aren't kept up to date, in line with what is in the print version. Craigslist is equally useless. Do you have any good suggestions?

* * *

Beyond the job thing, we're in the crunch zone on Bump Watch 2011. We go back to the doctor on Tuesday to find out exactly when Carrie will be induced and we will meet Lawson II. I'm still pulling for July 4, but we will see. All I know is I have a heavy oak bar, a heavy Hammond organ and some random bar stuff to move before he gets here, and arrange both our and his bedrooms accordingly, and I have a week and a half to do it. Yikes? Nah, I'll get-er-dun.

The storms and hail have taken their toll on our house, and we're looking at having to put a new roof on in the next few weeks, too. The kitchen needs some repair work in the ceiling and a paint job, thanks to the Noah-esque flooding we got in April. Water came down the side of the chimney and into the kitchen. Nothing drastic, but enough that it will warrant repainting.

Say a prayer for my cousin, Gina. She was in a bad ATV accident the other night, and is in the hospital in pretty bad shape. One of those freak things, but serious nonetheless. She's an awesome chickadee, and I know she'll pull through this, but definitely needs all the angels she can get.

Cya next time.
D

A Year? Yeah, I'm a douche.

Now that I'm not really writing professionally, I guess I can get back to writing for "fun," and give the world the happy little moments and such that we have.

So, a year has passed. The last update was about the boy's bed and such that we did as a nice little outreach. Kudos, everyone.

We recently did another one of those, getting a boy an iPod Touch and money towards the software to help him out. He is diagnosed with Apraxia and is having speech development issues, and there is some wonderful software to help him communicate. Thanks to those that helped out with that, as well.

So, since June:

Layla turned 2. and 2.5. and 2.75. And doesn't she know it... *rolls eyes*

She's actually developing really well. Her vocabulary is expanding, and not just from the words that Daddy uses while he's driving. She favors her right hand when coloring and stuff, but we're letting her find her dominant hand. I'm encouraging ambidextrous behavior so she can't skip homework when she breaks her arm jumping from the roof to a trampoline or something.

We're closer to potty trained, but not 100% yet. Realistically, we're not even at 75%, but damn close. She understands it, knows the urges, but prefers to hide beside the couch when it's poopin' time. Sigh. Slowly but surely.

Last fall, the week before Thanksgiving, Carrie took a test and we found out that our efforts proved true, and we were pregnant again! Fast forward to now, and we are looking at a possible July 4 birthday for our boy, Lawson David.

The name is taken from my father, Lawson, and hers, David. The David part, for me, also gives a nod to my mom's side of the family and a little one we lost to heart trouble many years ago.

He stands to weigh in around 10 pounds, so we may be inducing on July 3/4. The actual due date was the 8th. Carrie is definitely ready to pop!

Layla is excited about being a big sister. It will be quite the change for her, but I think that she's intelligent enough to realize that she is loved as much as ever, and we'll be reinforcing that.

In my world, 2011 was supposed to be a great year, and so far, it's pretty much been sh*t. Right before the beginning of the year, I went to TX to visit the office and chat up the crew, and basically found out that my time with SHOEBACCA was waning. In short, they didn't need me anymore. Instead of providing the copy that I did, and having a voice and being something different, they just use bulletin points provided by the manufacturer out of their catalogs. Hate to say it, but the spirit of the company died, and now it's just another machine. I got the official word on Feb 16, and haven't found anything worth a damn since.

I'm not bitter, but I didn't realize how huge of a piece of me was in that job. When they wiped my copy from the site, I felt like I lost a child. 3 years of work was gone in a click. Now it's not like it was, meaning that the owners have really made it look like they built this thing from scratch, instead of holding the ropes from 2500 miles away while a core team built everything.

I'm past the bitterness, other than when I read the "About Us" message and wanted to punch a wall. I feel bad for those I rarely talk to anymore that were there from the launch that built it, but that's a whole other story.

So, that happened in Feb., and I've been job hunting since. I did take a sales job for DirecTV, and after 6 weeks of it, I realized I was spending 50% of my money on gas for the job. On top of that, I developed a neuroma in my left foot that made it impossible to work on my feet for 10-11 hours a day.

I have to find something now. It's past finding something that is worthwhile and gives me a career. I realize that might come someday, but as it stands, the coffers are dry and we're getting close to being pinched.

I have had a few good leads, but nothing has panned out thus far. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, honestly, and it's pretty depressing. All I want is to find something local that pays the bills (and that doesn't have to be much), doesn't keep me away from my kids and will be there in three years. After Emergenza and SHOEBACCA, I can't take another crushed dream. I'll effing snap.

Keep your fingers crossed. I got a really good vibe from an interview with United Way, but have been hanging on a line for 2+ weeks. I really hope I didn't miss this window. It could be a life changer, in a good way.

January 30th was Carrie's 29th birthday. About 2am, Truman, my cat of almost 14 years, passed away. I haven't felt loss like that since my grandpa died, and it was (and continues to be) very tough to take. I miss him every day.

Ahhhhh okay. Enough of this; I'm starting to get weepy and such and I don't want my first blog in a year to be crap.

In two weeks I'll have a son, and I hope that that will be the beginning of an entirely new era in our lives. Carrie is so extremely loving and patient through all of these tribulations this year, even though she carries the heaviest load. Even if the walls fall down around me, she and Layla are what keep me going. They're my hope builders.

It's 1am and I need to hit the sack. We have a baby doc appointment at 8am, and I don't need to be a grouchy bastard. I'll do my best to be more progressive with these blogs, especially for you Facebook types that don't see me writing there (which I won't, because it's FB and their interface sucks).

Peace and Love,
D

The bed delivered!

Some pics...

Room decor before I got there:

The brothers after all was said and done:

You can see the rug, but I also had curtains, extra sheet sets, a comforter, pillowcase, trashcan, car shaped plush pillow and a few other little things that really made him smile.

I can't thank everyone who gave to make this happen. We'll do it again soon, maybe around thanksgiving. Stay posted (and find me on Facebook) to read more. Sorry for the lack of an update... It warms my heart to know people read it now and then. :)

D

The Race is On!

Just placed the order for the bed!

Kid not included, by the way.

With the bed ordered and expected to arrive early next week, and the sheets and blanket arriving any day, all that is left is to get the mattress, mattress pad, pillow and support for the mattress. I think I will just cut a piece of plywood to their specifications as suggested.

So, grand total? After those purchases, we have $218.38 left. I know that's enough to get the remaining items, so I will have a small check for the family as well, which is great. Of course, donations are still being accepted if you want to help out!

I will leave the donation button open through Friday at midnight. It takes a few days for that money to transfer to my bank account, so I want to be able to cut them a check when i deliver it.

I'll post pics of the delivery and James (the kiddo) as well when all of that happens.

I'm still floored that in three days, we've raised $476.44 for a kid that none of us know. I know I've got another $40 coming as well, so that will put us over $500. You've opened your hearts, your wallets... It means a lot to me to know that you people exist in my world. Makes things a little warmer, you know?

More to come!
D

When Your Heart Moves...

So last night I was up late (imagine that), and was perusing Craigslist. Wow, is my life exciting or what?
Anyway, in checking the free stuff section (you can never tell when you'll find a cool prize), I came across this post.

"Grandson just got out of Cardinal Glennon for cancer treatment/ They want him to be in a toddler bed due to all of his chemo and worried of him falling out of a regular bed. Money is tight due to all expenses of being in hospital for 3 months. All he is asking for is a cars lightning mcqueen bed. He has been a trooper during the whole thing..."

So, I read this. And my heart just broke. Layla is so perfectly healthy, and I can't imagine what it would be like to watch your baby go through what they've dealt with. To be able to bring him home is such a blessing in itself, and this little dude deserves something special all for himself.

I decided to post the situation on my Facebook, and I set up my PayPal account to accept donations towards fulfilling my plan of getting him a bed and the necessary stuff like mattress, pad, sheets, pillows, etc.

I posted that at midnight. By the time I went to bed at 3am, there was already over $100 donated. When I came downstairs at 9:30, there was over $200. Now, at 2:45pm, we're at nearly $370. I'm very happy that it hasn't even been 24 hours and we're getting close to being able to really do this right.

I'm shopping around online now to find the best deal to get everything together, and will post more when it's happening and what it's costing, etc. Anything over the needed amount will be donated to the family to help with medical bills and such.

If you want to donate, send your donations to dburgfeld@charter.net through PayPal. For some damn reason I can't cut and paste in my blog thingy anymore (lame), so I can't put the donation button up here. There is one on my Facebook, however, but it's very easy to go to PayPal, click "send money" and follow the instructions thereout.

I'll update soon, so follow the saga. I can't wait to make this kiddo smile.
D

A Decade in Review... What A Long Strange Trip It's Been

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the second decade in this century, and I still find it hard to believe that it's 2010. I can remember when i was a kid, thinking of how old I would be at such-and-such year in the future. Been there, past it now. Am I old? I dunno; it's all relative, I guess, but I'm feeling my years now.
"Thirty-five isn't old yet," I keep telling myself. Then I find myself waking up with back pain, and stumble down the stairs in the morning to go to work. There is no chance that I will ever have a full head of hair again in this life, which honestly, i'm fine with. Hair is just one more thing for Layla to pull on, and it would probably not be cut right anyway.
Before I begin lamenting my age, let me get back to the focus of this blog, which is a recollection of high and low points in my life during the last decade. Mike suggested that I roll it in list form, but meh; up yours, Mike. Kisses.
This decade saw as many changes as I think we could pack in, from employment, marital status, where I called home and the advent of fatherhood. I think the only thing that was missing from the last ten years was that incredible income boost and the massive weight loss. I'll work on that for the next ten; cool?

The decade started off with me being recently married. I won't dwell on it; we had our ups and downs, and though I loved that woman with all of my heart, things didn't work out, and we went our seperate ways in 2004/05. The first five years of this decade seem to funnel me towards the last five. Decisively so, actually.
The early part of the decade saw the end of Cataphasia and the start of what would become Tone Def All-Stars. Seems like the band is the only consistent thing. How in the hell did that happen?
In the job world, 2000-ish saw me leaving Rapco finally, and taking on marketing duties at Saint Francis. though I loved that job, I hated the politics and ass-kissing that doctors got, and it didn't last but about a year. I had a couple others, including the Charter "retention specialist" job that came about when i was mid-divorce. Somehow, disconnecting cable services seemed to pacify my need to rip people's heads off on a daily basis, and also got me back in shape. I blew that, though, once I started working for Emergenza. I'm getting ahead of myself, though.

A ten year and fifteen year high school reunion came and went, and I didn't make it out to either. Nothing personal, but when you live in the town you grew up in, it's hard to motivate yourself to go to a reunion that is full of people you run into at Wal-Mart. My appreciation for things like that grew when I moved to TX.

I broke my first bone this decade, in 2003, i think. It was a doozy, too. Broke the lower bones in my right leg the night before the Phi Mu Alpha Jazz Festival. I remember being doped up on morphine, telling one of the guys how to set up my PA. I bet it sounded awesome... I still get some pain in that leg now and again, and regret not making the University pay for my medical bills (as does my credit score).

I lost my entire DJ system this decade, too. Some douche pulled up early one morning and hitched up to my trailer, taking away everything. Nothing has ever surfaced from that. Got me out of the DJ business, at least as far as weddings and such go, and it sure made it hard for us to play shows. Grr.

Bought my first house. When Andrea and I were still married, we got the house on N Middle where I live now. It was December of 2002. Established the Man-Man Room, and started collecting crap to fill up every corner. I really need to clean out the basement...

We saw Boston win the series. We saw St. Louis win the series. I felt complete.

This decade also saw many losses. My grandpa passed away at the age of 94. There have only been a few times in my life where I have seen my dad cry, and when we lost my Grandpa in 2002, I can remember my dad saying that he hadn't known a greater man. My grandpa was a man of God, whose life was built around spreading the Gospel to every corner on the planet. He and my grandma lived such full lives; I hope that someday I can look back at my accomplishments like he could.
We also lost my cousin, Gary. He was 41 when he passed in 2007, leaving behind his wife and triplet babies. Cancer took him. I was so mad at God and everyone when this happened. He was so healthy; working hard to put troubled teens on the right path, and a new father to three beautiful babies. Just like that, it ate him alive and he left us. I gave up trying to understand; some things are not meant to be understood. Someday I guess I will, but I miss my cousin.
I lost two friends to suicide this decade; actually, both this year. Things get so tough; I know it. Money and family and trying to be a provider and being with everyone who you care about.... it weighs heavily. I mourn their passing, but wish I could've said something, done something to prevent that last action.

Losses... and gains. I gained a new brother-in-law when my sister married my doppleganger, Darren Hefner in 2002. Later that same year, we were blessed to have my first niece, Dori. Dori's birth was an awakening not only for my sis and D, but for my whole family. It brought us new focus and determination. Dori turned 7 this past Sunday.

As my seperation from Andrea came around, 2004 was ending on a sour note. I was relieving a lot of frustrations through parties and shows, and DJing at Jeremiah's (I hate you, Don). After 2005 came around, I started talking more to the woman who will become my wife on April 24th of 2010, Carrie. Our relationship signaled the turning point in the decade for me.

2005 was a crazy year. It started with me at Charter, choppin' ghetto cable and annoying white trash. As the year progressed, I was burned out on that job, and another opportunity came up through my buddy Kevin. That opportunity would turn out to be a life-changing experience.
I was hired by Emergenza that summer, with plans to start in the fall. I was moving to Texas. I had never lived further than 10 miles from my childhood home, and so this move was scary and exciting at the same time. I knew that i'd have a friend with me, which was a big relief, but I had no idea how it would change my ways of thinking.
I moved to Texas in September, and Carrie would follow in July of 2006, when Kevin moved to Philadelphia to work up there.
In my time with Emergenza, I visited cities all over the country, Germany, Canada and Mexico. I saw so much, met so many friends that I still keep up with, and heard some incredible music. Though things went to shit towards the end, I still have no regrets about that experience. It was a real eye opener, and gave me new focus.
The first year in Texas was especially hard for Carrie and I. I would get home to MO when I could to visit, but it was always so tearful when I had to leave. I can remember the anticipation as I got closer to Cape, knowing I would be holding her in my arms again soon. When she moved to Texas with me, I felt sure that this was going to be our home from here on out, but we see that no matter how sure you can be about something... Well, the best laid plans....

Layla. In 2008, we found out that Carrie was pregnant. You can read all about that below, but yeah... another funnel seemed to form to move us back home to Missouri, and in December of that year, we moved back to the N Middle homestead.

The very tail end of 2007 saw me start with SHOEBACCA.com as a copywriter. My boss, Angie is one of the coolest people i've met, and the company is so fun to work for. She allowed me to start working from home in 2008, and that was another part of the reason we were able to move back to MO. The company is gettting ready to celebrate it's 2nd year of being online, and business is good.

I miss my time in Texas. I miss Justin and Glynda and Molly. I miss my trips to Houston, hanging out at TME and bitching about drop D tuning. I miss my talks with Brad in San Antonio, and running shows in a little Mexican dive on the South Side. I miss visiting Austin, and I miss driving through some of the most beautiful country in the US. The storms, the lack of mosquitos in Dallas... A day doesn't go by where I don't walk through a drive to the office, a beer at a JRB show; I truly miss it all. I am glad we moved back, by my heart aches for those big skies and friendly people. Much love, Texas.

From just married to almost married again... From not knowing anything about kids to timing myself changing diapers Nas-CAR style... From a southeast missouri boy to a world traveler and back again... This decade has been one that I won't forget. Wherever the future takes me and my family, I'll always remember this period in my life as one that rebuilt me. My heart broke, more than once, and I fell in love all over again.

Keep listening to the sounds that your heart plays. Chances are, the melody will be the best sound you will ever hear. The trick is to find the right harmony.

Happy New Year, friends, family and random-ass people who got here on a google search. I hope your 2010 is more than you wish for. Make the best of it!

35 and counting...

So, yeah; I've slacked on the blogging. No apologies; there are other things that just take priority, and frankly, when you write for a living, you don't want to write outside very much. It's kind of the same reason I didn't play music much when I was doing the Emergenza stuff. Meh...

My 35th birthday was today. I'm officially old enough to run for President now, so prepare your votes. I am buying them for $.0001 apiece for the 2012 campaign.

The day went well; we had dinner at my mom and dad's tonight, with the whole family. It was a pleasant reminder that no matter how old we get or how crazy life can be, what matters most is what is easiest to have, which is love. To see my niece's face light up when she sees Layla always makes me smile. These days are the ones that I will try hardest to never forget.

Layla's getting so big now. Carrie weighed her at her parents' house the other day, and she's up to 20.4 pounds. She'll be nine months old on the 28th, and pictures cannot describe how much she's developed. I did finally figure out how to pull the video off of my camera and edit it, so soon I will post some video clips of her doing incredibly cute baby stuff. She's got this toy that she loves. It's like a big mushroom with a chair attached to the outside, where she can run around in circles. She sits in it and walks around the outside just laughing... She's a quick little buggar. Of course, she's not walking on her own yet; her sense of balance is still far from that, but she's crawling all over the place. I'm discovering that there are a lot of things that still have to be "baby proofed," and she's discovering that cords are fun to pull on. Sigh...

Ahh... I need to hit the sack. I'd planned on writing more, but I'm pooped. I was going to get work done after dinner and crank out some wonderful shoes for all of you who shop at SHOEBACCA.com (ahem, ahem), but our network drive was down tonight. While I'm mentioning it, I will plug work. We have the coolest damn shoes you've seen, and it's cheaper than going to Foot Locker or Champs. Plus, for you midwesterner types, there's cool Callyfornia style stuff. Good luck finding it in Cape... :-)

So, I will post some pictures and video and stuff after this weekend is past. Between ridiculous storm clean up, movie shooting, loads of work and trying to have some family time, it's been the week from H-e-double hockey sticks. Oh; I'm trying to work on the not-cussing thing. You know... got a daughter to raise now. ;-)

D