Hard to Stay Strong Sometimes

I've found myself thinking more on the sad elements of life lately. I don't know what prompted this change to my psyche; It just seems like it's been increasingly harder for me to shake it off and get back on the positive tip for at least the last 6 months or so.

Hate to start a post on a negative note, but that's where it's at right now.

I really keep a good face most of the time. But lately... Maybe it's lack of sleep. Maybe it's stress over trying to be the best man I can for my family. Maybe it's the financial frustrations. Maybe it's the regret over things sacrificed and mistakes made.

My niece's best friend lost her 6-month old baby sister Friday night. My niece is 10; her friend is as well. I cannot fathom how devastated that family is right now. At the same time... I can't hold my kids tight enough.

AND THAT'S THE REAL TEST OF FAITH.

I have been working on a website and project over the last several months-- www.levisadventuretrail.com-- and have had rarely any days where I was working on it and not tearing up. Levi was a couple weeks from Layla's age, and, again... I can't fathom their position.

I love my kids. I would die for my kids. I will educate them, I will protect them, until my last breath.

But so would these kids' parents. You can't protect them from everything. No matter how tight you hold them, no matter how big you think you are... Sometimes, it's time for them to go.

And so every day, and I mean literally EVERY DAY I pray that God covers that distance that I just can't take care of; that soul that I can't hug, and that He protects my children.

The hardest thing about faith is listening to what God is already telling you.

So I am sad for Levi. And I am sad for Mal's baby sister. And I am sad for Renee's dad. And I am sad for my Mom, as she fights cancer still. And I'm sad for the Sandy Hook kids. And for the dad and two sons that died hiking last week. And for the kids in Swaziland that don't get a chance to be helped.
Sometimes, I wish my brain had an off switch. Just lose all of this creativity and constant analysis and let me sleep.

Somehow I have to find a way to put the sadness somewhere else, because for six months it has affected every day of my life, and it's slowly eating me alive.

I apologize for the grind that this has probably been to read.

PLR,
D