First Day of the Rest of My Life...

That's something you typically hear when you graduate high school, so call me a really late bloomer.

I started the new job today. I say "the" as opposed to "a" because I want to emphasize that this is it. I have found something that I am going to love and will be able to grow with and root myself into. I am excited, determined and re-focused.

I honestly see this job as an answer to prayer. My own, and my friends and family. Ever since things went extinct with SHOEBACCA, I have been yearning to find a position with a crew that is as much of a family as all of us are. I feel that I will have that with this company, and I can't wait to see how that grows.

Only thing is, I have to get some stuff to hang in my office. It's freakin' huge. I'm thinking of taking in my Life magazine prints or something. The walls are bare, and Lord knows I have an excessive amount of crap around here to decorate in my own "special" way.

So, what's the gig? I am a project manager with Element 74. This company has been around since 1998. The bread and butter is website development, hosting, support... But they also do custom software development and other goodies. It's a well-rounded business, and I can't say enough about the owner, Chris. He's really the rock of the company. He has a success that is based on his faith in God. He's a perfect example of someone who not only claims to be a Christian, but lives it everyday. I see him as a potential mentor, and I see this job as something that can bring me back closer to my own walk with God.

"Remember when you saw only one set of footprints in the sand?" He said. "That's when the sand people were walking in single file to hide their numbers."

Carrie is relieved/excited/seriously relieved that I got this position. I am, equally. This year has, frankly, kicked my ass, and I don't need to reiterate any of that if you've read the past posts. August? Better late than never, in my book.

Lawson is doing great. I have to take some time this weekend to get some pictures in here. He's going to grow as fast as Layla has, I can tell already, and will be a full-on baby monster before I know it.

So, now that the dust of this whirlwind year is settling, I feel like I can pull my head out of the sand and get a clear perspective of my life. I'm gonna do that, and you can come along for the rollercoaster. :)
D

Whirlwind? Cool.

So the wee lad's been here 10 days, and had pooped on the couch, peed on the kitchen wall and make Layla laugh.

A lot.

No pictures to drop in right now (they're upstairs on the laptop), but I'll try to get to that tomorrow.

Things are going well, family-wise. Lawson's bilirubin was high, so they've had us doing light therapy on him. It was down around 14 on Saturday, but his pediatrician wants it under 12, so we're going back tomorrow to see where he is standing. Hopefully, he's in good shape. We shall see!
We head up to St. Louis on the 20th to meet with a specialist about his kidneys. It's nothing to get worried about, honestly, but because of the gestational diabetes, he has a small issue with size in the parts inside the kidney (pyelectasis). I say don't worry, because statistically, one in one hundred babies are diagnosed with it, and rarely does it turn into anything. Here's a great link for a user-friendly explanation. http://www.obfocus.com/high-risk/birthdefects/pyelectasis.htm

Mom is doing great. Her milk is coming in well. Almost too well: Our freezer looks like a dairy storage. :) He's eating well and his circumcision is healed already. Carrie is getting around great and although she has a nice bruise on her hip from a shot, she's in good spirits and looking as beautiful as always.

Layla is adjusting to her brother with great ease, honestly. She's such a literal and easygoing kid anyway, so I hoped the transition would be easy. She wants to help with everything now; she helped me give Lawson a bath tonight. She's wonderful, and seems to be continuing with the potty training, though she still struggles somewhat.

I had a very good interview with Element 74 on Tuesday evening. Seems like a very cool company to work for, and the three that I met with reminded me a lot of the SHOEBACCA crew, meaning they fed off of each other and seemed to follow a mutual love for the company. With (and I really hate this word but gotta use it) synergy like that, I think I could fit in well and be a great asset to the crew. I should know something in the next couple of weeks, as the owner is leaving for a 10-day trip. Hate the waiting game, but hope it's worth it!

I have resumes in with several other things as well; like Grandpa Towler said, "You can't catch fish with your bait in the boat," so I'm dropping as many worms as I can.

Back to the hunt and a little bit of sleep. Thanks for reading; I promise pictures soon (and yeah, they're on FB already).
D

Mama, I'm Comin' Home...

Thanks, Ozzy.

So it's July 5, around 11:14 am. Time has kind of gotten lost since we've been here, with some crazy sleep spurts and random visits from nurses and doctors.

But we're going home today. YAY.

I can't wait to get back to our house, so we have a real bed, room to breathe and a regular schedule again. Layla has been a real trooper through all of this, but Carrie's parents said last night she was crying and wanted Jellybean and mommy and daddy to come home. For nearly three years old, she sure is a level-headed kid.

We've had family and friends come and see us while we have been in the hospital, and thanks to you for that. It's a nice reprieve from watching the clock and chomping the bit.

We did get the results from Lawson's ultrasound today, and we are going to have to visit a nephrologist in St. Louis later this week. That's nephrologist, not necrologist, like I told Carrie when I was half asleep.

Lawson was a gestational diabetes baby, and there was some concern about his kidneys. He has had no problem wizzing since he was born, but there is a space in one of his kidneys that is smaller than it should be, so they want us to follow up with the STL doc to make sure we're kosher. It will suck to travel that quick with the boy, but it's a good excuse to drive a little out of the way for some Jersey Mike's. :)

That last sentence evoked a smile from Carrie.

They will have his picture up on the Southeast Hospital website, officially, and also the announcement and picture on the LED billboard at William and Kingshighway (above Quiznos). I think we've snapped enough pictures to create a 3D image of him.

The future isn't certain. After we get home, I'm polishing my resume and cover letter and applying for a service coordinator position with the Cape County Board for the Developmentally Disabled. Believe it or not, I studied to do this stuff in college and wanted to move forward with a psych degree, but other things took priority and distracted, and I moved away from that path. Perhaps this is an opportunity to get back on track.

Anyway, if any of you want to come visit this week, just call, text or message. If you don't have my cell, it is 573-TWO7zero 798 eight. Love to ya, and we feel it from ya!

Picture time!

Now that the Dust has Settled

Breathing. I think I almost forgot how that works, once I saw my son's face for the first time. I watched him emerge from Carrie, the doctor cleared his airways and he made his first, strong cries. I remembered so much instantly from when Layla was born. I felt like we were back in Dallas, 3 years younger and scared to death, seperated by hundreds of miles from our support structure. Carrie's parents were there for us then, and this time, everyone was here.

Mom, dad, Jamie and Dori, David, Cindy and Layla were all here. After his birth and measurements were taken, they got Carrie cleaned up and presentable and wrapped Lawson in his little blue and white hospital blanket and handed him to me.

* * *

Before Carrie began the long stretch of pushing and straining, cycling over and over until he was delivered, I sat down on the doc's spinning stool and rolled up to Carrie's side. I held her hand, bowed my head and prayed. I prayed to God for her safety, and for Lawson's. I prayed harder than I have in a long time. And I felt Him touch me. I felt his hand on my shoulder. I saw my Grandma Minnie, my Grandpa Towler, Gary Wayne and even Truman, watching down from Heaven, assuring me that everything would be fine. My eyes filled with tears, and as I sat up from my prayer I felt the tears break down my face. Though tired, stressed and pressed to the limit through all of the trials of this year, this moment, I was at peace.

I stood by Carrie's side throughout the process, holding her left knee with my other hand behind her back, helping her push up as much as I could, watching with anticipation for that moment when Lawson's head would crown. Once I saw that fuzzy head start to emerge, I knew it wasn't going to be long.

Mom and baby are doing great. Carrie is finally getting some rest, after some more intensive clean up and proper padding. Childbirth ain't purty, kids, but she's a champ. Seriously; she would have been totally fine in the days where the country was young and expanding Westward. Just bring an epidural on the time machine.

Vital stats and pics on the next blog. Thanks to EVERYONE for all of the prayers, well-wishes and cheerful thoughts. You are loved, and we're awefully blessed!

Getting Close

So I just got back from dinner, and as I entered the hospital, Carrie texted me to tell me that she has a little bit of cervix left, and she's at 9 cm. While I was at dinner, Dr. Cugini (her OB) came in and checked her out. She went to have a quick dinner with her husband, and then she's coming back to get this show on the road!

Are we ready? Yes. I have my Vicks, and Carrie has her epidural. Are we ready? Not at all. Freaking out over the obvious things, like the job situation, but we will make it work.

She's been in good spirits. I'm sure that anxiety will press as family gets here (no offense; LOVE y'all) and things get more hectic, but at this point, she's focused, not in pain, and ready to do what she has to do to bring Lawson into this world.

Above all, at this point, I'm glad we're here. I've regretted the move back to Missouri for a host of reasons since we did it, but there have been positives. This one shines above all others. To be able to be surrounded by those who love us and help us and are here with us. Thank God for every one of you.

9 Hours and Counting...

Carrie's around 6cm now. I've been advised by her that if I wish to eat dinner, now would be a good time to do it.

She's taking things in stride, though I can tell it's wearing her out. They put her on oxygen, mainly as a precaution and to supplement. Lawson's heart rate drops when she has a contraction, so they think he's being compressed somewhat.

To alleviate that somewhat, they had her on her knees, lifting her back up and down. I left the room to get a coffee while the nurse was checking her, and came back in to doggie-style pushups. Good times.

So far, no concerns regarding the heart rate. The guess is that his head may be a little close, or the cord may be coming across his chest. Carrie is the ONLY patient here in labor, so she's definitely got the full attention of the staff. That's a good thing. :)

I'm off to dinner. Trying to think of something she doesn't like to eat so I don't feel guilty. LJS?

4:15pm update...

So the epidural is in place, and starting to work its magic.



She's probably texting away to one of you, or perhaps updating stuff on her Facebook. Amazing, this technology that lets us keep you all up to speed without 200 annoying phone calls :-).

They just did a check on her cervix, and she's 4.5 - 5 cm now. Could still be delivering around 7pm. We will find out soon, I hope.

No More George Jones Songs in My Titles

So the Potosin is up to 14 mL/hr, and they came and broke her water about 10 minutes ago. She's definitely feeling the change in things, as shown by the "oooooh" faces and the squirming.


Looks like we're getting close to epidural time.

She's still keeping a tough face. The nurse was guestimating around 7pm for a delivery time, but she's wincing on that now. Carrie's ranking her pain about a 7.5 on a ten scale.


My gum lost it's flavor. That's my big issue thus far.


She's holding out as long as she can on the epidural, to keep things moving along. She's doing great so far. I love this woman.

Uterus Ache, Comin' to the Inside...

Just got back from lunch (cafeteria is closed on the weekend), and the contractions are a bit closer, but nothing to write home about. Just to write blog about.

She's swapped from newspaper to cell phone (talking about Carrie, not a puppy). As of 1:00pm, she's trying to take a nap, so I'm typing quietly. Hopefully, she can rest up for the big game.

Pride in the Back Stretch...

What; me worry?

The contactions are getting a little closer together, but she's taking it in stride... so far. I have to remember that with Layla, we started things a lot earlier. Relatively, this is way early in the game.

"Huddle House has macaroni and cheese wedges. It's like they took macaroni and cheese, breaded it and fried it. It actually sounds pretty good," Carrie says. Naw, no pregnancy cravings, doctor; why do you ask?

And the Race is On...

We're here at Southeast Hospital, and in our room (255). Things are going smoothly so far, with Carrie strapped into the fetal heart rate monitor and bloodwork done. They have a tube running for the something, and another for something else, and a nurse is here now to get the IV started. Carrie has sneaky veins, as they have discovered, so it's taking a little bit to get the IV in. She has a few holes in her now. For whatever reason, she says it hurts less when she is watching. I guess that's how the wedding worked, too. ;)

The first nurse said we're shooting for 7pm, which would be swell. Typically, vaginal births stay in for two days, so we'll be here on the 4th. When we got here this morning, we asked if they had a room that had a window view towards Arena Park so we could see the fireworks. Yeah, we're a little shallow, but hey, if you're paying for a suite and there's no hot tub, at least get a room with a view, right? That, and I've always loved the 4th and have been hyped about the timeliness of the birth for a while (since, oh, I dunno; Thanksgiving...).

Layla might be rousing now. It's close to 10am, and Carrie's dad, David, is at our house waiting for her to wake. They're spending the day over at their house, and I'm sure Layla will play the time away. The plan is to bring her up tonight after Lawson is born, so she can meet her baby brother. No sense in freaking her out with Mommy in tubes and monitors everywhere.

Still trying to find a vein for the IV. Damn you, sneaky veins.

No real data on how dialated she was coming in this morning, but Thursday she was around 2-3cm, so chances are she was close to that. Once the Potosin kicks in, the ole' cervix should start cooperating.

I'm set up in my media center/man-man corner, with a Sunday paper, camera, video camera, laptop and phone. I conceded the remote control to Carrie (the TV is over my head anyway). More updates to come!

24 hours...

We head to Southeast Hospital tomorrow at 0900 to get the wheels spinning on the birth of my son, our son. I am excited, Carrie is getting the butterflies I think. I can't imagine what's going through her head, realistically. It's like preparing for surgery, essentially, and mentally, that's pretty taxing.

I have a gig tonight in Bloomfield, and it's going to be hotter than hell. I have to get the bar into the garage, move our bed to that room and put together his crib. That's the minimal stuff for the rest of the day before I have to head south.

So, with that in mind, I better get back to work. I will be posting a lot of updates tomorrow here and on Facebook, so stay tuned for the saga of the Lawson.
D

Damn you, karma.

When my trailer with all my sound equipment was stolen a few years back, I took it as a testament to my screw ups and a grand swoop of karma, balancing itself with a Sam's Club sized helping of douchebaggery.

Now, I'm pretty sure that all of my belief in the balance of the elements of the universe and that leading a good life would lend to justified rewards is crap. Sigh.

I finally heard from United Way today, after a call and voicemail yesterday afternoon and an email today, and they offered the position to someone else last week.

I won't rant on this much. Frankly, I'm really jaded and kind of numb to things right now, and don't need to post a scathing blog about how a certain level of professionalism is expected when you apply for a job that requires a college degree.

I will say that this is the latest in a string of disappointments that have hit me in my job search, and I expected more.

I'm really not sure what I'm doing wrong. I've studied on cover letters and resumes. I don't drop it and wait; I do follow through on my application process, and the interview that I had went very well. I dress professionally and come in alert and focused.

Maybe it's the fat. Maybe I shouldn't shave my head. Maybe I should wear pants. Maybe I am just not what someone is looking for.

The killer thing is I have yet to talk to one of my references and have them say they were contacted at all. AT ALL. There is a reason I include professional and personal references in my application process.

I know this is Cape, and there isn't a lot in the professional field. I am willing to do whatever I can to take care of my family, to a certain extent, but as was proved with the DirecTV thing, I need to have a job where I am actually making enough money to pay the minimum bills. I spent half of my paychecks on gas for that job, and it didn't make a dent in our lives. I was working 11 hour days for nothing sometimes.

My dad said that I just need to go everywhere, dropping off resumes and trying to find something that way. It reminds me of a blitzkrieg strategy, but it's different than what I've done so far, and something has to change.

With that in mind, post a comment if you can think of somewhere I might fit in and be beneficial. I'm going to go through the phone book and start putting together stuff tomorrow.

I wish there was a spam-free job hunting website around here. Monster.com was a mistake; I got so many fake job offers after posting my resume there. The Southeast Missourian's classified jobs online are a joke. They aren't kept up to date, in line with what is in the print version. Craigslist is equally useless. Do you have any good suggestions?

* * *

Beyond the job thing, we're in the crunch zone on Bump Watch 2011. We go back to the doctor on Tuesday to find out exactly when Carrie will be induced and we will meet Lawson II. I'm still pulling for July 4, but we will see. All I know is I have a heavy oak bar, a heavy Hammond organ and some random bar stuff to move before he gets here, and arrange both our and his bedrooms accordingly, and I have a week and a half to do it. Yikes? Nah, I'll get-er-dun.

The storms and hail have taken their toll on our house, and we're looking at having to put a new roof on in the next few weeks, too. The kitchen needs some repair work in the ceiling and a paint job, thanks to the Noah-esque flooding we got in April. Water came down the side of the chimney and into the kitchen. Nothing drastic, but enough that it will warrant repainting.

Say a prayer for my cousin, Gina. She was in a bad ATV accident the other night, and is in the hospital in pretty bad shape. One of those freak things, but serious nonetheless. She's an awesome chickadee, and I know she'll pull through this, but definitely needs all the angels she can get.

Cya next time.
D

A Year? Yeah, I'm a douche.

Now that I'm not really writing professionally, I guess I can get back to writing for "fun," and give the world the happy little moments and such that we have.

So, a year has passed. The last update was about the boy's bed and such that we did as a nice little outreach. Kudos, everyone.

We recently did another one of those, getting a boy an iPod Touch and money towards the software to help him out. He is diagnosed with Apraxia and is having speech development issues, and there is some wonderful software to help him communicate. Thanks to those that helped out with that, as well.

So, since June:

Layla turned 2. and 2.5. and 2.75. And doesn't she know it... *rolls eyes*

She's actually developing really well. Her vocabulary is expanding, and not just from the words that Daddy uses while he's driving. She favors her right hand when coloring and stuff, but we're letting her find her dominant hand. I'm encouraging ambidextrous behavior so she can't skip homework when she breaks her arm jumping from the roof to a trampoline or something.

We're closer to potty trained, but not 100% yet. Realistically, we're not even at 75%, but damn close. She understands it, knows the urges, but prefers to hide beside the couch when it's poopin' time. Sigh. Slowly but surely.

Last fall, the week before Thanksgiving, Carrie took a test and we found out that our efforts proved true, and we were pregnant again! Fast forward to now, and we are looking at a possible July 4 birthday for our boy, Lawson David.

The name is taken from my father, Lawson, and hers, David. The David part, for me, also gives a nod to my mom's side of the family and a little one we lost to heart trouble many years ago.

He stands to weigh in around 10 pounds, so we may be inducing on July 3/4. The actual due date was the 8th. Carrie is definitely ready to pop!

Layla is excited about being a big sister. It will be quite the change for her, but I think that she's intelligent enough to realize that she is loved as much as ever, and we'll be reinforcing that.

In my world, 2011 was supposed to be a great year, and so far, it's pretty much been sh*t. Right before the beginning of the year, I went to TX to visit the office and chat up the crew, and basically found out that my time with SHOEBACCA was waning. In short, they didn't need me anymore. Instead of providing the copy that I did, and having a voice and being something different, they just use bulletin points provided by the manufacturer out of their catalogs. Hate to say it, but the spirit of the company died, and now it's just another machine. I got the official word on Feb 16, and haven't found anything worth a damn since.

I'm not bitter, but I didn't realize how huge of a piece of me was in that job. When they wiped my copy from the site, I felt like I lost a child. 3 years of work was gone in a click. Now it's not like it was, meaning that the owners have really made it look like they built this thing from scratch, instead of holding the ropes from 2500 miles away while a core team built everything.

I'm past the bitterness, other than when I read the "About Us" message and wanted to punch a wall. I feel bad for those I rarely talk to anymore that were there from the launch that built it, but that's a whole other story.

So, that happened in Feb., and I've been job hunting since. I did take a sales job for DirecTV, and after 6 weeks of it, I realized I was spending 50% of my money on gas for the job. On top of that, I developed a neuroma in my left foot that made it impossible to work on my feet for 10-11 hours a day.

I have to find something now. It's past finding something that is worthwhile and gives me a career. I realize that might come someday, but as it stands, the coffers are dry and we're getting close to being pinched.

I have had a few good leads, but nothing has panned out thus far. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong, honestly, and it's pretty depressing. All I want is to find something local that pays the bills (and that doesn't have to be much), doesn't keep me away from my kids and will be there in three years. After Emergenza and SHOEBACCA, I can't take another crushed dream. I'll effing snap.

Keep your fingers crossed. I got a really good vibe from an interview with United Way, but have been hanging on a line for 2+ weeks. I really hope I didn't miss this window. It could be a life changer, in a good way.

January 30th was Carrie's 29th birthday. About 2am, Truman, my cat of almost 14 years, passed away. I haven't felt loss like that since my grandpa died, and it was (and continues to be) very tough to take. I miss him every day.

Ahhhhh okay. Enough of this; I'm starting to get weepy and such and I don't want my first blog in a year to be crap.

In two weeks I'll have a son, and I hope that that will be the beginning of an entirely new era in our lives. Carrie is so extremely loving and patient through all of these tribulations this year, even though she carries the heaviest load. Even if the walls fall down around me, she and Layla are what keep me going. They're my hope builders.

It's 1am and I need to hit the sack. We have a baby doc appointment at 8am, and I don't need to be a grouchy bastard. I'll do my best to be more progressive with these blogs, especially for you Facebook types that don't see me writing there (which I won't, because it's FB and their interface sucks).

Peace and Love,
D